I typically don’t repost other people’s writings (maybe if I did this thing would get updated more than once every couple months). But this hits close to home and I felt the need to share the message.
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13 December 2008 @ 01:57 pm
Chris W. Death
On Thursday, December 4th, 2008 Christopher (39) passed away after collapsing on his kitchen floor in his Wicker Park apartment. Christopher was a great looking, athletic, ‘good time charley’, bigger than life guy with a huge smile and big heart – he had more than enough for which to live.
Unfortunately the heart can only take so much! Especially if it is already unknowingly weak because of a biological defect which runs in the family, it certainly shouldnt be consumed with the extra stress of drinking, smoking and drugs. Christopher didnt intend harm to himself, his family, his parents, or his friends, but thats the unfortunate reality of addictions..
Christopher left many people feeling much guilt with many unanswered questions. He left both good and painful memories. He left his two boys behind, his pending ex wife, his friends, his parents, his life. Why? Because he cared most about his addiction(s) than anything else.
Its true we cant change people – people have to want to help themselves. Unfortunately, when people suffer from addictions, they dont think rationally and they dont even realize the way their mind works in order to keep going the way they do, addictions intact and fulfilled routinely.
Christopher wanted to live two lives. He wanted the family, the house, the life, but he wasnt happy without the party life. Its not possible to do both. Its a choice one has to make for the betterment of children and a normal life. Christopher made that choice – it didnt end well. Chris will be sorely missed by so many people. Its the worst situation I could ever imagine and I was probably closest to it.
If you have an addiciton, I ask you to think hard as you lay your head on the pillow. When you think about your life, the things you would change if you could, the thing(s) you want in your life that you dont have right now, ask yourself why. If the reason is your life style choices that hinder your ability to have these things – thats your answer! Get help, want help, want it for yourself and for the people around you. I guarantee Chris would do things differently if he were here today, but he is not here.
If you know someone whose life is negativley impacted by drugs and/or addiction, have the conversation. Dont settle for anything less than a step in the right direction from that person, otherwise you might be giving a speech at their funeral and you will regret not doing something.
The police station had the information wrong about my husband when I called – they confused him with someone else. Yes, someone else, a 38 year old man who lived down that same Chicago street, died of a heart attack around 9pm last Thursday night after doing drugs with a buddy in his simliar apartment. The policeman who answered my phone call told me there are 80 other bodies in the morgue from the weekend alone in Chicago and these calls come in everyday regarding deaths from drugs. Not junkies, not underprivileged, those who come from good homes, good circumstances, and cant or wont recognize they have a problem. We have a much bigger problem in this country than most of us realize.
I fell in love with Chris 18.5 years ago and I quit trying to figure out how to make things better 2.5 years ago. I watched him deplete into a depressed, anxious, moody, mind-eliminating person who was passionate about his good time euphoria. I will miss Chris for the rest of my life and I will never understand how or why he, or anyone, could allow this to happen.
–MW