sunrise

I woke up this morning dreading a 6am flight. Actually the 6am part isn’t the hard part, it’s getting up at 3am to check out of the hotel, drive to the airport, and run through the TSA hurdles. Wouldn’t you know it that that day my internal clock finally acclimates from Central Time to Pacific. A week of waking up at 4am because my body thinks it’s 6. The day I have to wake up at 3am, my body thinks it’s… 3am.

Hurry to the airport…. and wait.

Hurry to board the airplane… and wait.

Hurry to the runway… and wait.

20 minute delay on the runway of Phoenix’s Sky Harbor due to inclement weather in Chicago. Wonderful.

I find irony in the thought of an airport with “harbor” in its name. Or is it the fact that the word“harbor” is used in one of the most arid and waterless states in the country? Or is it going to a harbor in order to board a plane called an airbus?

Looking forward to being back home.

So true, so true…

created by GeneralCupcakes,/i>

When did "Chicago" become a bad word?

I decided to update my motto\bio on Xbox Live this morning. As I entered through my existing location field – set to "Chicago Burbs" because that’s where I’m from – I received an error stating that my location "contains a word or phrase that isn’t allowed. Please try again."

The Xbox censors are

I suddenly began to wonder if I was no longer hip enough to realize that "burbs" had some alternate illicit meaning that caused was being blocked.  I even double checked Urban Dictionary to make sure. But no…. it wasn’t "burbs" that was blocked, it’s "Chicago!" Granted, the state of Illinois has been in the news recently since we apparently can’t elect a governor that isn’t corrupt, but why is Chicago blocked from the location field? The funniest part about this is that "Chicago" can still be used in the motto field. What gives? Does xbox.com have something against us chicagoans?

(insert witty title here)

Apologies to anyone waiting for a new post, it’s been awhile I know. Actually, my apologies should go to anyone actually following this sad excuse of a blog. You surely deserve better.

I’ve been in a state of flux for quite some time now, like treading water in a vast ocean with no sign of land in sight. Floating adrift, unsure of what direction I should be swimming.  I decide to swim one way, only to change my mind midcourse and become sure that land lies off in the opposite direction.  A mile or so from where I start, I begin doubting myself, wondering if it might be over there instead.  I begin swimming in circles, darting this way and that, desperately trying to find my bearings and gaining no ground.  I end up still lost, confused, exhausted, and scared because these are unknown waters. Who knows what lurks beneath the surface.

I’m so focused on finding my way back to land that I neglect to think about what I’m doing in the middle of the ocean in the first place.  From what I recall, I was in a boat on a long voyage across the sea. It wasn’t an easy trip, long travels rarely go smoothly. Breakdowns occurred, signs of mutiny appeared, and suddenly I felt like I was on a boat with strangers, being constantly ordered to swab the deck.  But why was I in the ocean now? Where’s the boat? Did it sink? Were there pirates? Or did I simply not want to be on the boat any longer and jumped off?

As I my limbs began to cramp up from the struggle of staying afloat, I recall other ships that sailed past me, offering a life preserver or a lift to the nearest inhabited island. What happened to those ships? Where did they go?

It turns out I was so preoccupied with getting my bearings and direction, I completely ignored the fact that life preservers were being offered to me.  I climbed aboard, socialized with the crew and my fear of a potential mutiny or claustrophobia made me jump over the railing right back into the sea.

My fear of what *could* happen forced me back in to the same old routine of treading water with nowhere to go.  Vicious circles are compounded when the situation become perilous. I breath deep, relaxing my aching muscles, take in my surroundings. Is that a ship on the horizon. I lean back with outstretched arms and float.

Choose the face that best describes how you feel…

What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

         – Woody Allen

ghosts

I saw a ghost the other day. Not the floating spectral orb many claim to be ghosts, but more like the shadow you see out of the corner of your eye for an instant, a movement from one room to another right out of your peripheral vision. That feeling of presence you get even if you’re alone.

Some people say ghosts exist due to a traumatic death that shocks the spirit into not realizing its no longer alive- doomed to repeat the same task over and over for all eternity. Oddly enough, the opposite can be said for some people.  Doomed to repeat the same task over and over again, while not realizing they’re still alive.  I find myself in this state from time to time. Everyone is susceptible to the vicious circle of modern day mediocrity.  In that respect, ghosts are everywhere. 

We see them at work and on the street, shuffling through their existence and not realizing the clock is ticking! We are all given a finite amount of time on this earth. The worst part is that we don’t know when that time is up. 50 years from now?  2 days? 15 minutes? I wonder what life would be like if we all had countdown clocks planted on our foreheads.  Would we be more mindful of the time we had? Would we be more considerate and kind to those whose time was running low?

We are all destined to leave this earth at some point in the future. Can you honestly say your time was well spent? Is humanity improved due to your presence or negatively impacted? Have you at least touched the life of at least one person in a positive way? Let’s let the truly dead and buried haunt the world and let’s begin to live.

in memorium

I typically don’t repost other people’s writings (maybe if I did this thing would get updated more than once every couple months).  But this hits close to home and I felt the need to share the message.

———//—————————————–

13 December 2008 @ 01:57 pm
Chris W. Death

On Thursday, December 4th, 2008 Christopher (39) passed away after collapsing on his kitchen floor in his Wicker Park apartment. Christopher was a great looking, athletic, ‘good time charley’, bigger than life guy with a huge smile and big heart – he had more than enough for which to live.

Unfortunately the heart can only take so much! Especially if it is already unknowingly weak because of a biological defect which runs in the family, it certainly shouldnt be consumed with the extra stress of drinking, smoking and drugs. Christopher didnt intend harm to himself, his family, his parents, or his friends, but thats the unfortunate reality of addictions..

Christopher left many people feeling much guilt with many unanswered questions. He left both good and painful memories. He left his two boys behind, his pending ex wife, his friends, his parents, his life. Why? Because he cared most about his addiction(s) than anything else.

Its true we cant change people – people have to want to help themselves. Unfortunately, when people suffer from addictions, they dont think rationally and they dont even realize the way their mind works in order to keep going the way they do, addictions intact and fulfilled routinely.

Christopher wanted to live two lives. He wanted the family, the house, the life, but he wasnt happy without the party life. Its not possible to do both. Its a choice one has to make for the betterment of children and a normal life. Christopher made that choice – it didnt end well. Chris will be sorely missed by so many people. Its the worst situation I could ever imagine and I was probably closest to it.

If you have an addiciton, I ask you to think hard as you lay your head on the pillow. When you think about your life, the things you would change if you could, the thing(s) you want in your life that you dont have right now, ask yourself why. If the reason is your life style choices that hinder your ability to have these things – thats your answer! Get help, want help, want it for yourself and for the people around you. I guarantee Chris would do things differently if he were here today, but he is not here.

If you know someone whose life is negativley impacted by drugs and/or addiction, have the conversation. Dont settle for anything less than a step in the right direction from that person, otherwise you might be giving a speech at their funeral and you will regret not doing something.

The police station had the information wrong about my husband when I called – they confused him with someone else. Yes, someone else, a 38 year old man who lived down that same Chicago street, died of a heart attack around 9pm last Thursday night after doing drugs with a buddy in his simliar apartment. The policeman who answered my phone call told me there are 80 other bodies in the morgue from the weekend alone in Chicago and these calls come in everyday regarding deaths from drugs. Not junkies, not underprivileged, those who come from good homes, good circumstances, and cant or wont recognize they have a problem. We have a much bigger problem in this country than most of us realize.

I fell in love with Chris 18.5 years ago and I quit trying to figure out how to make things better 2.5 years ago. I watched him deplete into a depressed, anxious, moody, mind-eliminating person who was passionate about his good time euphoria. I will miss Chris for the rest of my life and I will never understand how or why he, or anyone, could allow this to happen.

–MW

Xbox hard drive upgrade Part 1: The last time I spent $99 for a 60GB drive was back in 2001!

Like most 360 owners these days, I’m constantly shuffling and deleting content from my measly 20gb hard drive in order to make space for more stuff.  Game demos, trailers, Arcade trials, even unused themes and gamerpics have been purged from the drive to make room for more demos, trailers and arcade titles. And now that the new Xbox interface is coming in less than 10 days with the ability to store entire games to the drive, I seriously need some space. 

Enter the new Xbox Live Starter Pack.  This new sku features a 60gb hard drive, 3 month Xbox Live membership, ethernet cable, and obligatory headset for the super low (for Microsoft) price of $99.  Granted, our PS3 brethren can crack open a beer, toss in any 2.5in SATA hard drive and call it day, but thanks to Microsoft’s concern for “quality of gameplay” (i.e. squeezing money out of it’s fan base like a sponge), we’re given 3 overpriced options: 20gb, 60gb and 120gb.

You may ask me “but why didn’t you just go 120gb?” Well, because I’m a cheap ass.  Seriously, with the 3 month Live subscription included, the 60gb seemed like a better deal (and I get another unused headset to add to my collection) and I had trouble justifying $140 for a 120gb drive.

According to Microsoft’s Knowledge Base, the data migration kit offered for Elite owners (and also included in the 120gb kit) will work for transferring all my crap from the old drive to the new.  Off to call tech support!

Dinner by Betty Cracka

In an effort to eat dinners that consist of more than a bowl of a bowl, spoon, milk and something that resembles grain of some sort, I’ve been experimenting with those “quick and easy” meals in a box that typically called “something Helper”.  It’s a a pretty cool invention because 1.) they’re tasty (obviously that’s up for debate in some people’s eyes), 2.) they’re cheap, and 3.) They bring a sense of accomplishment to me for actually cooking something even though a 6-year could pull it off as well.

I think it’s the directions that do it for me. I’m big on directions. So much on directions that I even LIKE putting together things that require assembly. I put my tv stand together in no time flat. One Christmas I voluntarily put together all of my nephews toys together. Heck, I rebuild my mountain bike every winter.  Sure I’m a free thinker and independent, but when it comes to some things, especially cooking, I’m a “by the book” type. 2 tablespoons butter? Check. 1 cup hot water? Check.  I might even be adventurous and try to spice something up or add and ingredient or two, but if someone told me to just go out and wing it, I’d probably end up burning the kitchen down.

Anyway, the odd thing that started this whole meandering essay on my habit of obeying the written word actually has nothing to do with the meal, or the directions on how to assemble the meal, but something else printed on the box that contained my tasty meal (ok, I have no idea yet of it’s tastiness since it’s still simmering on the stove).  Nutritional facts are a necessary evil these days. Everything has nutritional information, from the box of cereal I’ve had the past 3 nights for dinner, to the sugar-free 0-calorie gum I’m chewing (you know I’m right about the gum, but I’m sure you’re checking anyway).  So it comes as no surprise that my something Helper would provide nutritional information on the side of the box. Yes, of course. However, it’s the way the information is provided which is the oddity. If you look at the nutrition facts on a box of cereal, you’ll find two separate columns- one with the cereal by itself and one with milk (typically skim in order to make it look better). Apparently cereal manufacturers feel that enough people eat cereal alone to be concerned with the amount of calories a handful of Super Sugar Smacks contains. That being said, while looking the Nutri Facts on my box of something Helper, I noticed again two separate columns- one with calories prepared and the other as unprepared. So taking the cereal example into account, it appears that some people  eat this crap straight out of the box- sans accouterment? Is someone to lazy to spend 20 minutes cooking this crap properly that they’ll just settle for eating it straight out of the box? crunchy uncooked pasta sprinkled with a packet of only God knows how that flavoring is actually made? Yikes!